Archive for May, 2009


I am a passionate sports fan.  I can’t necessarily explain why.  I can’t say why a Laker victory catapults my mood to temporary euphoria and I can’t describe to you why a Laker loss makes me grumpy and irritable.  I know it’s just a game.  I know it’s silly.  I’ve tried explaining it to my girlfriend but can’t articulate it.  Bless her for putting up with me during the 2008 NBA Finals embarrassment.  

Sports are an emotional enterprise.  The word “fan” is short for “fanatic” which can explain some of the heightened tensions and emotions that can exist during a game.  Last night’s NBA Western Conference Finals Game 5 is a perfect example of the emotional rollercoaster of being a sports fan.  The series was tied 2-2.  If the Lakers win, they go up 3-2 with a chance to close out in Denver and even if they lose there they have the deciding Game 7 in the cozy comfort of their home court.  If they lose, they face elimination in a hostile Denver crowd on Friday.  As the game progressed and the Lakers looked lethargic, I begin to chew my nails down to their nubs.  However, when they went on their fantastic run, effectively “flipping the switch” we’ve been waiting for them to flip, it was a great joy to watch.  

What is the point of all this?  Simply to explain that I get it.  I understand the emotions, the triumphs, the disappointments and the let-downs.  I am able to reasonably manage these emotions and keep them in check because after all, it’s just a game.  

This is a concept that European soccer fans just can’t grasp. They have the emotion, but not the self-control.  Recently, Manchester United lost their Championship game to Barcelona.  When American teams win championships the occasional riot is bound to happen.  Perhaps a car or two will be flipped over and set on fire.  While this behavior is obviously abhorrent, it is incredibly tame compared to European soccer riots.  In the aftermath of the Manchester Utd/Barcelona match, this happened:

(CNN) — A man “angered” by Manchester United’s defeat to Barcelona in the final of the Champions League killed four people when he drove a minibus into a crowd celebrating the Spanish side’s victory, police in Nigeria have told CNN.

Ten people were also injured in the incident in the town of Ogbo, where the driver was subsequently arrested, a Port Harcourt Police spokesperson said.

“He was displaying his anger at his team losing the match. The driver had passed the crowd then made a U-turn and ran into them,” spokesperson Rita Inomey-Abbey said.

What causes this behavior?  There is a massive Wikipedia entry titled “Football Hoolaganism” which chronicles the violence around the world.  Why does this happen?  It’s not like it’s all they have in Europe, which is home to some of the finest art, music and cuisine in the world.  Maybe because I don’t understand soccer I don’t understand the riots.  I know that you won’t find me within 10 miles of a European soccer match anytime soon.  I hate to be a killjoy but the league has to step in to insure that these kinds of fights don’t happen anymore.  Who knows how many other fights and injuries were sustained outside this particular incident.  

In the meantime I will watch my Lakers compete in Game 6 of the Western Conference Finals tomorrow night.  Win or lose, I can assure you that you won’t flip on the local news to see that I’ve ran anybody over with my car.  Unless there are no cops around and  a group of Celtics fans are just asking for it.


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Red Bull, the popular energy drink, gives you such a great boost of energy that the German Health Institute decided to explore what exactly makes it kick.  The result is nothing short of fantastic.

“The [Health Institute in the state of North Rhine Westphalia] examined Red Bull Cola in an elaborate chemical process and found traces of cocaine,” Bernhard Kuehnle, head of the food safety department at Germany’s federal ministry for consumer protection, told the German press on Sunday. According to this analysis, the 0.13 micrograms of cocaine per can of the drink does not pose a serious health threat — you’d have to drink 12,000 L of Red Bull Cola for negative effects to be felt — but it was enough to cause concern. Kuehnle’s agency is due to give its final verdict on Wednesday when experts publish their report. 

Red Bull has always been upfront about the recipe for its new cola. Its website boasts colorful pictures of coca, cardamom and Kola nuts, along with other key “natural” ingredients. The company insists, however, that coca leaves are used as a flavoring agent only after removing the illegal cocaine alkaloid. “De-cocainized extract of coca leaf is used worldwide in foods as a natural flavoring,” said a Red Bull spokesman in response to the German government’s announcement. Though the cocaine alkaloid is one of 10 alkaloids in coca leaves and represents only 0.8% of the chemical makeup of the plant, it’s removal is mandated by international antinarcotics agencies when used outside the Andean region.

I was going to try to write some sort of clever shtick or joke to go along with this story but honestly, I’m just going to take off and get some Red Bull.  Enjoy your afternoon.

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To go along with my passion for the cinema, I have also been blessed with an iron clad bladder.  I never get up to go to the bathroom during movies.  I just can’t stand to miss anything and hate the feeling when you return to your seat and have to ask the person you’re with what you missed.  However, I understand that many of you out there enjoy sipping on a Mr. Pibb while watching NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 11: BATTLE OF THE NIXON LIBRARY.  Finally, there is a website for you.

RunPee.com is a rather genius website that tells you at what point in a film to run to the bathroom.  In addition, they will provide a description of what you missed in the time you were gone.  For example, when watching X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE you should never pay to see it in the first place.  However, if you find yourself watching it anyway, RunPee suggests hitting the head about 50 minutes into the film, right after Wolverine discovers his new claws in the bathroom.  Here’s what you will have missed (SPOILER, but seriously, don’t see WOLVERINE):

Wolverine accidentally chops up some of the bathroom fixtures with his new claws/blades. He then goes downstairs for dinner with the old couple. The old man and Logan talk about motorcycles and that’s about it. Next morning Logan is out in the barn when the old man comes out and gives him his son’s old jacket. The old lady comes out with some food and that’s when a sniper shoots her and then the old man. Logan is already sitting on the motorcycle so he speeds out of the barn just as the bad guys blow it up. Chase scene ensues.

So for those with shy bladders, you now have your new bible.

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A few years ago, Vincent Gallo brought his film, THE BROWN BUNNY, to the Cannes Film Festival where it was declared “the worst film in the history of the festival.”  Audiences at Cannes aren’t like typical American audiences.  They are very vocal, and THE BROWN BUNNY was met with loud boos and jeers throughout.  The film was eventually re-cut into a film I enjoyed very much.  This year controversy surrounds Lars Von Trier’s new film, ANTICHRIST, which the audience at Cannes met with “derisive laughter, gasps of disbelief, a smattering of applause and loud boos.”

From Reuters:

Antichrist opens with a heavily stylized, black-and-white, slow-motion portrayal of the child’s accidental death set to soaring music by Handel.

Dafoe’s character, who is a therapist, tries to help his wife deal with her grief and encourages her to come off heavy medication that sedates her for weeks after the death.

They decide to go to an isolated wooden cabin in an unspecified forest to recover, but the woman Gainsbourg portrays loses control of her senses.

The abuse she submits herself and her husband to drew shocked gasps from the audience.

The reaction suggested that von Trier, who won the top prize in Cannes with “Dancer in the Dark” in 2000, could be in for a rough ride from reviewers and journalists on Monday.

Todd McCarthy of “Variety”, who is probably the most influential critic in the country, wrote:

Lars von Trier cuts a big fat art-film fart with “Antichrist.” As if deliberately courting critical abuse, the Danish bad boy densely packs this theological-psychological horror opus with grotesque, self-consciously provocative images that might have impressed even Hieronymus Bosch, as the director pursues personal demons of sexual, religious and esoteric bodily harm, as well as feelings about women that must be a comfort to those closest to him. Traveling deep into NC-17 territory, this may prove a great date movie for pain-is-pleasure couples. Otherwise, most of the director’s usual fans will find this outing risible, off-putting or both — derisive hoots were much in evidence during and after the Cannes press screening — while the artiness quotient is far too high for mainstream-gore groupies.

However, Roger Ebert defends it.  Sort of:

I rarely find a serious film by a major director to be this disturbing. Its images are a fork in the eye. Its cruelty is unrelenting. Its despair is profound.

A reader signing himself Scott D posted this comment after my first entry on the film: “If it is in fact the most despairing film you’ve ever seen, shouldn’t it be considered a monumental achievement? Despair is such a significant aspect of the human condition (particularly in the modern western world) so how can this not be a staggeringly important film, given your statement?” There is truth to what Scott D says. In the first place, it’s important to note that “Antichrist” is not a bad film. It is a powerfully-made film that contains material many audiences will find repulsive or unbearable. The performances by Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg are heroic and fearless. Von Trier’s visual command is striking. The use of music is evocative; no score, but operatic and liturgical arias. And if you can think beyond what he shows to what he implies, its depth are frightening.

I cannot dismiss this film. It is a real film. It will remain in my mind. Von Trier has reached me and shaken me. It is up to me to decide what that means.

Though ANTICHRIST’s negative reviews probably put it out of the running for the Palm D’or this year, ANTICHRIST remains the talk of the festival.  At least until INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS screens.  When asked for comment, Von Trier responded that ANTICHRIST was “the best and most important film of my career.”

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I don’t know a thing about Star Trek. I know that there is a guy named Captain Kirk, a guy named Spock with pointy ears and I know they can set their phasers to stun. I know that eventually Professor X and the guy from “Reading Rainbow” took over, I know that there are slimy aliens called The Borg and I know that Kirk likes green women. That’s about it.

Star Trek always seemed too nerdy for me to get involved in. And I’m a nerd. Perhaps it’s those sad, depressing conventions they convene in where the cast members shamefully sign autographs. These conventions, by the way, are lampooned in the forgotten and very underrated comedy GALAXY QUEST. The element that most defines Star Trek is the complete absence of anything cool. What is less cool than Star Trek? When JJ Abrahms decided to reboot the franchise with a young cast comprised primarily of unknowns, it was a daunting task considering that the franchise had pretty much been exhausted.

JJ’s STAR TREK is remarkably different from any other STAR TREK incarnation I’ve seen.  The new version is a full blown action fest that actually lifts a lot of cues from the “buddy cop” genre.  James Tiberius Kirk (Chris Pine) is a rebelious, wise cracking tough guy who plays by his own rules.  Spock (Zachary Quinto) is a no-nonsense, “play by the rules” logician.  Think of these two like an interstellar Riggs and Murtaugh.  The potpurri of colorful personalities that will ultimately helm the Enterprise are introduced one-by-one and include manic Dr. Bones (Karl Urban), fencer/pilot Sulu (John Cho) and linguist Uhura (Zoe Saldana).  The heart of the film though is the push and pull of Kirk and Spock, and both Pine and Quinto play off each other nicely.

STAR TREK is an origin film, which is a tricky thing to pull off since by the time the crew of the Enterprise is put together and established the movie is over.  As a non-Trekkie, the film is a pleasant surprise and surely the $76M box office take will ensure furthur installments.  The credit has to go to Abrahms but primarily to Pine and Quinto who keep an otherwise preposterous film chugging along.

What is preposterous?  Anybody with a science background is going to be scratching their head after watching this film.  There is a convoluted and poorly explained plot involving black holes and time travel.  There are numerous unnecessary and heavily distracting cameos that I won’t spoil here other than to reveal that one of them perfectly sets up a future film called “Madea Goes to Space.”  Certain errors in continuity bothered me.  In the opening action scene, a person is sucked out of the ship and into space.  The film goes completely silent because, of course, there is no sound in space.  Nice touch.  I’ve always urged space films to go the realistic “2001” route.  However, in every other scene, ships whiz by with countless sound effects and booming explosions.  So are we playing by the rules or not?

I’m nitpicking.  STAR TREK is an exciting and entertaining blockbuster that is fun for Trek and non-Trek fans alike.  Considering the rest of the summer slate this year looks so abysmal (from a blockbuster standpoint) STAR TREK could very well end up being the popcorn jewel of the season.  Despite its glaring flaws, STAR TREK is big dumb fun.

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It seems absurd that Larry David and Woody Allen haven’t teamed up already, given that it’s such a logical partnership.  Our prayers have now been answered with Woody’s whopping 44th film, WHATEVER WORKS.  It opens June 19th.

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Trailer: TETRO

By my count, Francis Ford Coppola hasn’t made a good film in about 15-20 years.  However, he did make some of the greatest films of all time (THE GODFATHER TRILOGY, APOCALYPSE NOW) and his latest film has him teaming up with one of my favorites, Vincent Gallo.  It’s an odd pairing but the trailer is rather beautiful.

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